What about when reality is not what we want it to be? What about when the things of life really aren’t fair? When someone said something mean or untrue? What about when we actually can sit in self-righteous indignation because someone else did something wrong?
Well…you can do that, but I must ask you, “How’s that workin’ for ya?” Are you growing in holiness? Or are you becoming the very thing that you are looking down upon?
There is a line that keeps coming up in my own thought work and journaling - “that might be true, but is it helpful?” This usually happens when I’m all up in arms over something someone did or said…usually my husband, and I feel very justified in my anger, but I can’t help but get totally derailed by that question, “is it helpful?”
“Well…no!” I answer begrudgingly. No, I can see that it’s not because of the way I show up: passive aggressive, bitter, resentful. But as much as I can see these ugly truths, I still find it hard to let go of the anger - some part of me just wants to sit in that place as ugly as it is because I want to feel a little bit superior for a while since my got-to is to feel inferior (both of which are pride in full force by the way.) So why do I hang onto the pain of these assaults? Why do i repeatedly choose to sit in this yuckiness when the reality that it is not helping is staring me in the face?
This has been the brick wall I keep running into in my own thought work. This issue I take with reality. It’s like I want to tap it on the shoulder and demand it speak to me, as if we could work out a different situation or maybe I could just give it a piece of my mind! “I have a bone to pick with you!”...crickets. Why crickets? Because reality is not a person, it does not have an agenda against me. It just…is… and I find that infuriating.
Can anyone reading this relate with me?
I had a little light bulb moment the other day, kind of out of the blue, but maybe it will land with you. I used to have a hard time with my weight and I had this unhealthy habit of getting on the scale each and every day. I had this false idea that if I liked the number enough I would “behave” and mind how I ate, and if I hated the number enough, I would “behave” and mind how I ate…but the number was never what I wanted it to be or if it was, I didn’t feel the way I wanted to feel and therefore this tool of mine never did what it was supposed to do
The truth of the matter was, I could know the number each and every day, multiple times a day if I wanted to…but was it helpful? Did it help me eat well or lose weight? 99% of the time, no, it did not. When I had this realization, now years into healing from an eating disorder and body image issues, it was the most beautiful moment. Just because something was true, a fact that could not be argued with, didn’t necessarily help me show up the way I wanted to show up. It wasn’t necessarily useful, and our thoughts were meant to be useful. They are meant to help us KNOW the Truth so we can CHOOSE the Good. If knowing the truth isn’t helping me choose the good, then it is not a truth worth knowing. We don’t need to know all things, we don’t have a right to all information just because we can access it. Some things are okay to let lie.
So next time you feel pulled to get to the bottom of a situation, to demand to know the truth or to go to extra lengths to get to it, ask yourself, “Is this useful? Is this helping me grow closer to the Lord? Is this helping me show up the way I want to show up? In a way that is moving toward virtue and not away from it?” If the answer is no, let it lie, that fight is not your fight.
**I am a Professionally trained Catholic Mindset Coach through Metanoia Catholic. I love to work with Catholic women or any woman open to processing their thoughts and emotions through a Catholic world view.
**Check out my personal blog, Grateful Blessed Mess, at gratefulblessedmess.com to get to know me better! Don't hesitate to reach out. I'd love to hear from you if anything has spoken to your heart or you have any questions in general about Catholic Mindset Coaching.