I Choose All
Updated: Jul 14, 2022
The Freedom of Self-Mastery
I’ve never been one to recall moments verbatim. I’ve always wondered how people can recount quotations from people that made such an impact on them that they never forgot what was said and were then able to share it years later.
I do have one encounter though, that I recall cleanly and with much gratitude. I had just started seeing a counselor after years of being encouraged to pursue this kind of help. After hearing my story and the current plight for which I was seeking help, she posed a question to me,
“What do you want?”
After a moment’s pause I was actually able to give a clear response to her question.
“I want to be a rock…I want waves to be able to come crashing in and for me to remain solid, unmoved, and strong.”
I think I surprised her a little bit due to the extent of emotional pain I appeared to be in and she responded,
“Even a rock gets eroded by the water.”
I know what she meant. I think she saw a very tired and overwhelmed girl who needed to learn how to draw and keep a boundary, not learn to take a beating. But that wasn’t the way I was looking at it.
If I was back in that room now, and could respond to what she said, I would tell her,
“Yes, and I choose to allow myself to be shaped and smoothed by the waters of this life.”
Boom. Emotional ownership. This has been a big shift for me. To start saying yes. Yes to the chaos, yes to the pain, yes to the hurt because all of it, alllll of it is meant to lead me to God, can lead me to God if I let it. In the chaos, I find peace in His words, in pain, I unite it with His passion, in hurt, I sit with Him and let Him hold me, and in joy, I can celebrate with Him! Every moment of our lives has the potential and, I would argue, has the intention of being a path to His heart.
I think of St. Thérèse’s line, “I CHOOSE ALL.” So powerful! Initially something from childhood that showed her utter spoiledness, and then in the heart of maturity, was the greediness with which she longed to be a saint, to hoard any opportunity to suffer for and with Him because in the beauty of the Catholic paradox, that there was an immense joy and interior peace alongside it.
This is what coaching taught me how to do. To feel the hurt, but not let it break me. To take responsibility for what was mine and give back to you what was yours. To better know and understand myself so I could finally have compassion for the areas I could not love. This is what I want for you too. This is why I decided to become a coach. To offer that same freedom, ownership, and joy that comes from leaning into JP II’s call for self-mastery so that we too may become a total gift of self.
**I am a Professionally trained Catholic Mindset Coach through Metanoia Catholic. I love to work with Catholic women or any woman open to processing their thoughts and emotions through a Catholic world view.
**Check out my personal blog, Grateful Blessed Mess, at gratefulblessedmess.com to get to know me better! Don't hesitate to reach out. I'd love to hear from you if anything has spoken to your heart or you have any questions in general about Catholic Mindset Coaching.