I Am No Victim
...Except to My Own Mentality
I’ve had an epiphany. Have you ever noticed a certain trend in your own behavior that you know isn’t helping you? Something you’ve done for so long that it’s just part of the way you do things and even when it’s brought to your attention that it’s not getting the result you want, you’re so attached to this way of doing things that you just keep doing it anyway, either in denial of the truth or because you are just that stubborn and ingrained in your ways?
I am one of those people, and I can tell you, it isn’t fun.
I have this persistent, go-to belief that if you see how much I’m suffering, you’ll want to help ease my pain. Obviously this comes up the most with people I live with simply because of proximity and duration of time spent together. I’m sick of it though. This thought only causes me pain and it stops me from being direct and clear in my communication. If I am perceiving I need help, then I can ask for help. Why do I continue to choose to believe that “if you cared, you would notice that I’m floundering and you would reach out to save me, and then I would know I am loved.” Yikes! I have so many issues, but that’s not the point. We all have issues, Father wounds, Mother wounds, God wounds and funky minds. Point is, I keep coming down to this one question that just stares me in the face…Is this helpful? Even if all those things you’re thinking are true, is this helping you be the person you want to be or show up in the problem the way you want and need to show up? And the overwhelming answer is always NO!
Even if he purposely delayed texting you back for 3 hours just to make you squirm, or she didn’t make eye contact with you because she didn’t like how you handled the last disagreement, or your daughter didn’t go to bed easily tonight again because you don’t have enough discipline around bed time…what if all those stories were true? What if he was trying to punish you or she was mad at you or you really don’t have enough discipline around bedtime? Is it helping you show up well in the moment when you dwell on these thoughts? For me, I would have to say no. It’s not. It’s not helping me to show up as the person I want to be when I choose to keep these thoughts. They feel heavy, they pull me down, they make me sad and doubt my value and competence. For those reasons alone they are most certainly not of God, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that they most certainly aren’t useful.
Useful. “Serviceable for an end purpose” says Merriam- Webster. I like the idea of a thought being useful. Like I said earlier, I’m always looking to be helped and it turned out I wasn’t even helping me! My thoughts were working against me and dragging me down. Maybe I have this dependence on others helping me because I’ve become so accustomed to not helping myself, so used to letting myself down, I just assume I always will and have no other option than to look outward. From this point I am admitting that there is a problem with me, which is good awareness, but my solution is backwards. When there is something wrong with us, friends, the solution is never to look outward to solve it, it is to gently look within. I can’t expect other people to solve my problems. This twisted version of sloth, this damsel in distress, this assumed incompetence so you, who seem more competent, have an obligation and a duty to help me…I just twisted this around to make it a matter of justice that you help me when the injustice lies within myself! I am no victim except to my own mentality.
I challenge you to find a belief pattern, a thought, an assumption, that is keeping you trapped in a painful place, in victimhood. God gifted us with an Intellect and a Will. A mind with which to know and a heart with which to love. To know the Truth and to choose the Good. Learn it. Choose it. Use this gift, and be in charge of the direction of your life.
**I am a Professionally trained Catholic Mindset Coach through Metanoia Catholic. I love to work with Catholic women or any woman open to processing their thoughts and emotions through a Catholic world view.
**Check out my personal blog, Grateful Blessed Mess, at gratefulblessedmess.com to get to know me better! Don't hesitate to reach out. I'd love to hear from you if anything has spoken to your heart or you have any questions in general about Catholic Mindset Coaching.